Metaphorically speaking, sometimes things just 'hit' me. I don't see them coming, and then Bam! there they are. Last night as I was walking through the movie theater bathroom I glimpsed myself in the full-length mirror and had the sudden overwhelming realization that I am a woman and not a young adult. A woman that's about to go out of the bathroom and join hands with her husband of nearly ten years. Ten years! Another realization. Whoa! See how they just come and hit you out of nowhere?
This post is about one such realization that I had about two weeks ago, a bam! in the heart that was so strong I felt gratitude, happiness, and sadness all at once (I guess that emotion is best termed 'nostalgia'). I was watching a game on ESPN and my eyes fell on the Bottom Line, where they post scores and late-breaking news. What caught my eye was that my favorite male tennis player, Rafa Nadal, had withdrawn from the upcoming Australian Open due to a stomach illness. ESPN noted that first rounds of the Open begin on January 14th. And then Bam! there it was: the sudden memories of all of those late, late nights up watching live Australian Open tennis on TV last year while my newborn Georgie either ate or otherwise refused to sleep. OMG, I thought! My baby is about to be a whole year old! Of course it's time for the Australian Open again because it's nearly time for George's birthday! And then I closed my eyes and let the nostalgia wash over me, thinking of the hours and hours of tennis that I watched as it occurred live halfway around the world, with a sweet-smelling tiny seven-pound newborn in my embrace. I watched tennis in the hospital, in our bedroom, in our living room, while I snacked on muffins and donuts, as I quietly talked to my dad on the phone while he did overnight security work, as I watched a coyote meander through our yard, as we did "shift work" when George had no idea yet when it was daytime and when it was night-time, and as I stumbled from my warm bed to the living room with my new baby, flipped the switch for the fireplace, and nursed. All while watching Australian Open tennis. And I thank God for every single one of those middle-of-the-night moments with Georgie, and astoundingly I find myself wanting that exhaustion and peace again, for a third time with a third little one.
I remembered that I blogged about my early mommyhood experiences, including the tennis watching, and I found the old post here. I remember the days well, but it sure does seem like a long time ago. I have gained so much confidence handling these two guys by myself that I find myself not batting an eyelash at the opportunity to fly unaccompanied with both of them to Massachusetts in March. These days I'm just as comfortable as I can let myself be...as long as I stay on my toes.